Are You Failing Your Dog? (Pssst: You’re Not)
Some Words of Wisdom When We Simply Can’t “Do It All”
Hi Scallywag Crew,
Do you worry that you are failing this whole pet-parent thing?
As screenwriter, producer, and badass boss Shonda Rhymes said: “If I am succeeding at one, I am inevitably failing at the other”.
I felt her words shiver through my body.
That oh-so mysterious and elusive “Work-Life” balance phenomenon is repeatedly being punted to the curb over and over again as if “balance” was ever attainable in the first place.
Personally, my dog mom guilt has been screaming at me in a very temper tantrum like-way due to my current work schedule and a Florida vacation I just got back from last week. “BAD DOG MOM!” - I always picture an old woman pointing a rolled up newspaper at me and shaking it in the outdated dog training way that unfortunately many “pet professionals” still advise. I felt like I had peed on the floor but didn’t know what else to do or where to go (I know…gross…but humor me and my dog imagery).
Especially for women, we are taught that we can dance the dance of “doing it all” perfectly (don’t even get me started on unpaid domestic labor). However, this “do it all” tango goes something like this:
If I’m working 60+ hours a week, my dog (or family or friends) is not getting my attention while I’m working.
If I’m spending quality time with my dog (or spouse or family or friends), my career, job, or the ability to make money is on the back burner and not getting my full attention either.
If I’m putting my oxygen mask on during downtime, I am not working, walking my dog, or spending quality time with people I love. (Insert spooky thoughts of laziness or selfishness here)
The shame that society and social media spits at us for choosing an activity outside of our dog’s life can be debilitating.
*Cue us bringing our dog to the brewery so that they aren’t alone but then no one is having a good time because our dog hates crowds and our dog is therefore not having a good time because they are so stressed and then WE are stressed and then the “bad dog mom” thought bubbles up in our body so that the mean old lady comes barreling through with her newspaper yelling at us that we SHOULD have a dog that likes what we like and how dare we not train our dog more and do more more more more…..
AHHH.
While Shonda Rhymes words can seem bleak - they actually take the pressure off. While “failing” sounds negative, we simply can’t do it all and we are setting ourselves up for disappointment if we think we can be everywhere all at once.
Life be life-ing. And no one is perfect.
So…what do we do? We assess our emotional capacity and where our dog is at emotionally day by day to determine our next move. We simply do our best.
Some kudos to you if:
Your dog got a food enrichment puzzle like a snuffle mat or 5 minutes of flirt pole time.
Your dog got to run around in the yard after a ball for a few minutes (some dogs don’t have yards).
You were present with your dog and turned off your phone during a walk
Your city dog got to play some treat hunting games on their potty walk.
You listened to your dog’s body language today when they needed snuggles and also when they needed some space. Respecting boundaries counts as LOVE.
You took 2 hours off, said “F*ck it all”, and hiked with your dog in the most beautiful place ever away from the modern world.
At the very least: you are providing a warm soft space for your dog where other dogs are still waiting to be rescued from their kennels in a shelter.
“If I am succeeding at one, I am inevitably failing at the other…”
Scallywag crew - you aren’t failing. You are doing your best and your dog is lucky to have you.
Counterculture Canine blog is a personal account to peek into how even a dog behavior professional can sometimes feel about being a pet parent. I can give you tons of dog behavior advice (and I promise I will!) but each dog and each person is different. What I rather do is tell you how I feel on the daily as a pet professional so you don’t feel as alone with your own thoughts and feelings. We need people to show us that we aren’t alone and how to find the light in the dark, especially during these murky times.
If you need that reminder or are lost on how to up your pet parent game while you are kicking ass and taking names in other aspects of your life, CLICK HERE to schedule a virtual chat or consult with us!
Power to the pups & people,
Natalie Wagner-Welds MSc & CDBC
